OK you could be fooled into thinking that I'm writing about the rainy season but although I'm not actually writing this from Cambodia, I thought it worthwhile putting down in words the way my life has been unfolding. If you've read my accounts of life in Cambodia you'll recall that there were times when life was a challenge - cultural differences and illness all played their part at some time or other but feedback received upon leaving and since returning from the UK has included the question of when a return to Cambodia can be expected.
Now I know that God uses circumstances to speak to us all and I cannot recall ever feeling so unsettled in the UK. I thought I needed to 'give it a go' here to see if this was where roots were to be laid down and indeed, I was glad for familiarity upon my return to Bournemouth.
But.. it hasn't worked out. Maybe I've changed, maybe Cambodia has given me an improved insight into situations that I know God has called me out of. In the beginning, I just wanted to settle back in the UK but I can't, I wasn't allowed to and I soon I found myself longing for the authenticity, gentleness and friendship of the Khmer people. I remember the time the Cambodian pastor laid his head on my shoulder as he listened intently to something I was telling him; nothing iffy about that, it's just the way they are. The facebook messages addressing me as 'teacher' and hearing tales of the kids enjoying the monsoon rains all compounds the thought of 'what am I doing here?'. Upon returning to the UK I can't help but bring these nations' peoples into comparison, especially when the riots were happening the other week and, amongst other things, when my next-door neighbour had a go when I apparently parked 'on his land'.
So what's happened? Well, I've moved house again, I lost my job when the school went into liquidation, I broke my foot in a motorcycle accident and now have an MRI scan to get to the bottom of the headaches I've been having. It's been a nightmare and something's telling me that coming back here was a mistake - but maybe this is how God is speaking to me. I do realise of course that there are people facing far worse situations than I and this is not a 'why me?' message - in fact, why not me? - what makes me exempt from suffering? I'm reminded of the story of Job, a faithful, God-fearing man whose world crashed down around him losing everything he owned and family he loved. But still He praised God and in the end, all was restored unto him and then some.
Now I'm not Job, I don't have the smallest percentage of faithfulness that he possessed but he walked right and that inspires me in these uncertain times. I am reminded of what Jesus has already done for us and that our salvation is a done deal for those who have accepted Him and aspire to do His will in every aspect of their lives.
OK so some things do worry me right now; maybe life isn't as I thought it'd pan out. But I do know that God is in control and I will endeavour to keep that at the forefront of my mind.
